Part of a Love Story...

I was the kid who would go back and read all of the possible outcomes of the "choose-your-own-adventure" stories.  The unwieldy-ness of life caused my heart to fear pain, the result of which was an extreme need for personal control, a need to know all of the options and to choose my own destiny.  But real life is not so easily tamed.  All of our best laid plans rarely amount to much, and even when they do they often become a distraction from the truly beautiful and meaningful things.  If my parents had not divorced, if my Dad had not gotten sick, I don't know that he would have ever been able to see past all of the "important" things and into the wonder that is this strange thing of existence.

I have been watching my Dad learn to love his life in the face of death.  I have watched as he, perhaps for the first time, has discovered that he is truly cherished just because of him.  I have been watching as love has mended all of his broken places.  It's not about all of his life accomplishments or the things that he can do for people or even his strength of character.  He is loved just because he is.  In realizing this, it is as if he can finally set all of those other things down, as if he can breathe in the light because love has set him free.

Love is funny in that way.  It barges in, unannounced, and alters the very fabric of our souls.  Love is not a "choose-your-own-adventure" story, it is a train that you hop not knowing where it will take you, an ocean that you swim in, a narrative of the heart written in the language of Heaven.  Witnessing even the small moments of my Father's story compels me to see life differently, to dare to set my own heart free.  I want to live my life as a love story.  I want to see where it will take me when I loosen my grip on the panic, when I decide that for all of my efforts I cannot contrive one ounce of meaning.  So, without intending to, my Dad has helped to give me perhaps the greatest gift I will ever be given: For the first time in my life, I, too, believe in love.